Myths and Realities
There are a lot of things that people say about domestic abuse that are wrong. Myths serve as convenient excuses for abusers not to take responsibility for their behaviour. There is no excuse for domestic abuse ... ...
"It was a one-off, he’s really sorry and it won’t happen again"
Once a man has started to abuse it is likely to happen again. Abuse is rarely an isolated, one-off incident. Usually it is part of a pattern of controlling behaviour, that becomes worse with time.
Controlling behaviour is things like telling someone what to wear, who to see, being very possessive and jealous, and undermining another's self-confidence and self-esteem continously. Violence or the threat of violence is used by the controller to get his own way.
Men often say they are sorry after incidences of abuse, they may make promises and say they will never do it again. Often women who have left home return to abusive partners because of these promises. There may be a period where the man appears to be non abusive by being attentive, charming and helpful. However most abusers will abuse again, and this phase of being nice soon changes to the old pattern of controlling behaviour.
"Abusers are violent towards their partners because of unemployment, drugs, alcohol, childhood experiences etc"
Domestic abuse takes place irrespective of income, lifestyle, sex, race, class, age, religion, sexuality and mental or physical ability. Factors such as unemployment, alcohol and drug dependency and so on, do not cause domestic abuse but contribute to exasperate the abuse.
There is no excuse for domestic abuse and violence.
"Domestic abuse only happens in certain communities; usually in working class, Asian or black families and there is the most domestic abuse on council estates."
Domestic abuse occurs within all communities: every class, race and culture. It is no more prevalent in one community than another.
There is no typical abuser and there is no typical abused woman. Domestic abuse can affect anyone.
Women’s Aid has supported women whose partners were builders, social workers, ministers, solicitors, teachers, psychiatrists, politicians, bus drivers, plumbers, armed forces, electricians, engineers, factory workers, doctors, police officers, civil servants....a wide range of occupations.
Most women who come to Women’s Aid for support have no other problems in their lives other than those caused by their partner’s violence and abuse.
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The Wales Domestic Abuse Helpline is a confidential, freephone support and information service for anyone experiencing domestic abuse or wanting more information on available support services. Open 24 hours. Click on the logo for more information