"It’s not violence, they just fight."

Repeated violence is often accompanied by continual emotional abuse and threats. The fact that some women may attempt to defend themselves by resisting physically during an assault should not be taken to mean that the violence she is experiencing is "mutual fighting".

"Violent men just can’t control themselves, they must be mentally ill."

Most violent and abusive men are able to control themselves not to hit or abuse their partners in public or in front of others or to cause injuries that are visible.

Most violent men are abusive to their partners and children but never to anyone else.

Most men who abuse are able to function without violence in society, in the workplace and in all other contact with people.

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. For a lot of people it is easier to believe the myth that abusers are mentally ill than to accept that they know exactly what they are doing when they assault, rape or torture their partners or children. Abusers are responsible for their own actions, and behaving in aggresive ways or resorting to violent acts is intentional.  

"Women choose this type of man"

Women are not aware when becoming involved with men whether they are violent or not, there are no signs. Most women’s experiences show that in the beginning of the relationship men are very attentive, loving and caring.

"It’s just the odd domestic tiff, everybody has arguments."

The difference between the occasional argument and domestic abuse is that domestic abuse is deliberate behaviour which is used by the abuser to exert power and control over the other person.

A range of different controlling behaviours are used in abusive relationships. They include depriving someone of sleep, criticising their appearance, telling them what to wear or where they can go, controlling who they are friends with or denying them access to their family, locking them up, threatening them with violence, hitting them, raping them or torturing them.